It is a sunny, hot humid day in Niagara. I am living in a single motel room with amenities (a hot plate, microwave, and a small fridge with a broken door plus my supplemental ice coolers). It is a far cry from the Hotel California in Sebastian Florida with nary a palm tree in sight.
My journey continues but it has taken a new form and new direction. I have not felt moved to blog the last few weeks as I have moved into a long term relationship with a woman in Canada who lives 45 minutes from my home town. My focus has been on growing this relationship and building a solid foundation for the future.
It is clear to me the journey never ends. It just takes me through new landscapes physically, emotionally, and mentally. I set out on this journey now almost 2 years ago to seek my real self beneath the massive layers of work experience, troubled relationships, self doubt, and unclear thinking that obscured my true essence as a man.
On that journey I met many people and discovered friends, fellow travelers of the soul, love, and places of great beauty and spiritual power. On my return to Canada I felt at loose ends. I wasn’t grounded and my transient life did not lend itself to the calmness and essential isolation for the writer/artist spirit to speak with a strong and clear voice.
Last night as I lay beside my love, Debra it became clear. Very clear. Old habits were injecting themselves in my life again. All I needed to do was go to the keyboard and the words would come. I can say without doubt or hesitation, that I have never felt happier or more complete in my soul than I am in this moment. Yes I do not have my own personal space and I am living in a dump but my mind and spirit can transcend this if I remove my feelings about it as a simple roadblock to more happiness. As I went for more ice for the coolers I banished those artificial constraints and felt a surge of energy and well-being.
My thoughts wandered back to April and a blog I wrote titled “Who Fills the Giver Well”. That blog addressed the need of those of us who are givers by nature to have our spirits refreshed and replenished as our love, emotions, caring, and physical help flows to those with whom we wish to help or share our energies and skills. I got many answers from my readers that were all very good and worked for some but not for others simply because our innate human natures make our needs and all us all a little different in how we are replenished.
My journey took a hard right turn upon leaving Florida. I went through the trauma of closing up and selling the matrimonial home as the law likes to call it. Then, oversaw the sale of the home and the subsequent divisions of property.
While living in Canada I started reaching out to meet others in the area with similar interests hoping to start new friendships and pick up old friendships that were meaningful and valued. In my wanderings on line through the social networks I met a woman whose profile was intriguing and her pictures were easy on the eyes. We got chatting online and found many common interests in the areas of music, aboriginal culture, spirituality, and travel. Chatting lead to phone calls and soon we were talking a few times a day.
Then one day, a day of epiphany, I realized my new friend named Debra was the type of spirit that is the perfect fit for a giver like me. I headed back to Canada cutting short my time in Florida because she was taking off to British Columbia for a couple of weeks to visit family. I sensed that it was very important we meet before she left. Thus began the marathon hamburger and fries run from Florida to Canada in 31 hours.
We met. The chemistry was instant but we both had our personal baggage backpacks over our shoulders. We started sorting through all the historical dross that was just noise and an impediment to really getting to know each other. In two short weeks we knew we had found something very special in each other.
The next week Debra was off for almost 2 weeks with her family but we talked and texted at least once every day and kept the contact alive. On her return, we have spent every possible minute together building a foundation of trust based on respect, care, and ever-deepening understanding of who we are. The future looks golden. We have felt those initial seed of love grow and strengthen and blossom into a rich loving relationship that will only grow deeper.
Back to the theme of “Who Fills the Givers Well”. In my case, affection, physical queues and touch that are pure affection and not just sexual, a listening ear, someone who jumps to my defense when they feel my soft-hearted, giving nature is being abused are the waters that replenish my particular well. Someone who gives love to me to enrich and acknowledge the person I am and not the person they would like me to be or change to be. This is no surprise because Debra is a professional caregiver and understands, being a giver herself, the needs of another giver.
My well is full and my spirit is soaring. Life is good. The journey ahead is one we will travel together in love, respect, and excitement.
Ye, my well IS full.
