On Loss and Recovery

It has been more than a week since my last blog post. Life has a way of carrying us along and time passes quickly. Visits from my remaining family from afar, the death of loved ones of friends I have made on the road, and the persistent case of writer’s block that has dogged the past few weeks of my journey.

The loss of a loved one was on my mind this morning as I drank my coffee on the now very familiar stoop of my cabin here in Florida at the “Hotel California”. I had a sense of time passing me by and of my own mortality. This is, no doubt, a by-product of giving what comfort I could into situations where the raw emotions of the moment and the ensuing numbness, leave little room for any real comfort or solace. Perhaps it is a sense of being the impractical King Canute trying to hold back the tides of time and of trying to contain life’s random acts into a neatly wrapped package to suit my orderly self.

Words and a chord change in the music I am listening to will act as the trigger I need to find the elusive threads of the creative process. As I write today the Going Home video by my old song writing favorite Jackson Browne, is rolling on the player.  The opening song is the great song I’m Alive

Standing here by the highway side
Watching these trucks blow by
Inches from my face
Yeah thinking 'bout the time I've wasted
And the pleasure we once tasted
Looking up and down this road
I've been here before
Can't be here no more

Thinking about wasted time, it really isn’t wasted really.  It is all part of the bigger Learning but in our parsimonious regard for our own precious time, we can quickly turn that learning into some diminished value through resentment.  Getting past that resentment though is the important message that it hurts like hell and we “Can't be here no more”.  And so, I find myself looking down the road.  At the dealers while my new Road Glide Ultra got its 1,000-mile service I blocked out the 5 routes for my major rides this year.  It could mean about 40,000 miles on the road this year if I complete all the routes as planned.

Later in the DVD is the poignant, multi-layered meanings of the dark lyric “Sleeps Dark and Silent Gate”.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder
Where my life will lead me
Waiting to pass under Sleep's dark and silent gate

I found my love too late
Running around day after day
Looking for the time to play
While my old friends slipped away

Never should have had to try so hard
To make a love work out, I guess
I don't know what love has got to do with happiness
But the times when we were happy
Were the times we never tried

Sitting down by the highway
Looking down the road
Waiting for a ride
I don't know where I've been
Wishing I could fly away
Don't know where I'm going
Wishing I could hide
Oh God this is some shape I'm in
When the only thing that makes me cry
Is the kindness in my baby's eye

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder
Where the years have gone

The lyric seems to fit today’s reflections on my transient reality and the experience of being in love and seeing that slip away, or the connection with my inner artist and its elusive comings and goings as I work through the re-discovery of the long dormant writing skills and the associated angst that I feel when confronted with a blank Word screen in the morning.

Thankfully, the words did flow with just a few hiccups along the way and some bit of focus to keep the sometimes-vague threads joined into what I hope is an at-least-semi-coherent writing on loss and recovery.

The recent loss of a 9 year relationship, the subtle trail of a new love lost in the turmoil of two lives in the wrong place or wrong time, the shaky first steps back to an active life as an artist, writer of verse, painter of paintings and photographer have taken me through the valley of loss.  All the while, my ear is cocked to the clock of life clicking time towards the penultimate moment of life’s fleeting departure. So much to do and time is passing.

The recovery for me is inherent in the physical journey on the road and the emotional journey of living in the moment and living is as large as possible and to really feel my emotional connection to the events and chance meetings that make this journey I am on so rich. And, to see the experience translate into words, art, and music through which, others can share in the experiences.

Sleep's Dark and Silent Gate

And from the new book of verse (I really do need to find a title)

The wheels keep on turning

Down the roadways of my mind

Past the images of loves won and lost

And the wreckage of my missed opportunities

The call of an empty road

Where the pavement disappears

In the hills and rolls of the distance

To new places, the new faces that become memories

As I journey on to my sunset

Farther down the road through fields

Of new dreams and possibilities of a life

Made full in the richness of love’s realization

The Gift and on Giving

When I was in my late teens, I was given a book written by the Lebanese born, American writer and artist Kahlil Gibran.  It was a must-have book for any hippie wanna-be along with some crystals and a couple of strings of love beads to go with the patchouli incense.

I still remember many of the excellent writings from that book on the human condition.  I recently re-read some of these on line while struggling with my own relationships and the balance between giving of myself into the relationships and taking care of my own emotional needs.

These lines caught my eye:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

Okay!  That part I get, especially in that unique human stew of our relationships with each other as friends or romantically.  Giving to another whether financially or in materials things is the easy out.  It is when we invest our emotions and spirit that we truly give.  That gift of our emotions, spirit and our energy is a unique gift that cannot be measured on a scale or a cash counter.

Then as I read on, it gets a little trickier:

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breaths its fragrance into space.

It is an innate part of my character to give of myself emotionally and spiritually where I perceive a need or I am motivated by my own desire for companionship, friendship, or romance.  Sometimes when I give, there is emotional pain.  What is this about?  I am seeking some return joy in the act of that giving!  Instead I feel the pain.  The myrtle giving its fragrance is a truly natural giving natural to the plant.  To give freely of ourselves without hoping for some payoff is where many of us including myself fall off the rails of truly benevolent giving.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving

And is there aught you would withhold?

Now I am starting to get it!  Understanding the needs of others whether friend or romantic interest, and to perceive the giving needed in the specific circumstance.  And, to give freely, with joy in the giving, and without expecting an emotional or spiritual payout is the way not to feel the heat of the karmic butane lighter to the butt or heart as the case may be.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life - while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be over mindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity

It is life that gives unto life.  Hmmmmm. Yes it is innate in all of us to give whether of ourselves or financially or in material goods.  Life gives unto life and we are but witnesses. Along for the ride,,,  Why? Because it is part of the human condition to give and to feel the joy in that giving when we can strip away the patina of desires or expectations from that act of giving.

And what about receiving? All of us receive at some point whether as children from our parents, or from our friends and our lovers.  Gratitude.  That is the soul mirror that gets between us as receivers, and the benevolent giver who freely gives.  Looking too deep in that mirror reminds us of the imbalance in the immediate act of giving and we seek motives.  Why is this person giving me 20 bucks or giving me their time or giving me their emotional and spiritual self? To ask this questions the motive behind the act of giving and, there may not be a motive!!!

In the free act of giving and receiving without expectations of some kind of payoff is when we do soar as humans on the wings of joy.

The bird

Was a surprise

Visitor

Taking stork steps

Across

The parched brown lawn

Striding

Long black legs

Contrast

His pure white body

Calling

At the back door

Looking

For the woman and

The Gift

Of an offered sardine

Tasting of the sea and garlic

Silently

There they stand in communion

Honouring

The value of each other’s presence

Days Like This

My 63^rd birthday is approaching next week.  Not a milestone age but in two years I will get the Old Age Supplement form the Canadian Pension Plan.  I don’t feel that old and I still like to live life as large as I can.  Having said that, there are days like this when my spirits sag and my energy is low. This state was not helped by current case of writer’s block.

Then, all it takes is a call from a special friend to lift the miasma of a thoroughly crappy day with rain, darkness, and no riding.  I got that call and it lifted my spirits and changed the complexion of the day.  Now I listened to Van Morrison while assembling the sissy bar for the new Harley.

When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

Got some great supportive messages from other friends reminding me of what I already knew and probably have blogged about.  I was off and running!   Uncovered the bikes and cleaned up the mess the rain had left then covered it before the next storm came along.  Time to put on some Eric Clapton.  There’s nothing playing the blues to beat the blues! Long distance Call was on the Bose Wave.

We create our own happiness a real friend reminded me in a message.  Here I was all morning dragging my butt around the house feeling miserable.  It is so true.  It took a call and a message to remind me of my own message. Create a mood of negativity and rains will fall and you will feel crappy guaranteed.  Turn it around and see the positive and see the opportunity.  What was a lousy day became a good day full of productive work and happiness.

I finished the edges on a painting my brother brought for me from my home studio.  Worked on the Harley.  Cleaned the cabin. Wrote some verse. Planned my route and stops for a run to Key West. Wrote this blog post.

We are so much in control of our immediate state of mind if we just remember to turn those sorry old negative thoughts and feelings around and see the opportunity.  I have the personal freedom to go to Key West next week if I chose and have a great time in the sun on my 63^rd birthday.  What’s wrong with that?  Nothing!!!  If my riding friend can go, then it is even better.  If not, I still get to go and enjoy treating myself to some sun and music in a place I hear is very special and the hundreds of miles will bond me closer to my new Harley and get me ready to ride to Texas next month to visit my friends Clyde and Sandra, wintering there with their Harleys.

Sometimes it takes a trigger to help us shift our state of mind from what we don’t want to what we really want; to feel good and to be happy!  We all need a hand sometimes regaining that positive perspective.  Thanks to my special friends phone call and the message from another dear friend, the mirror was put in front of me and I remembered.  Friends are very dear and so valuable to our well being as part of our human world.  Think about it.  Is there someone you know that might be struggling and could use a lift?  Pick up the phone and give them a call.  Your voice just may put a smile on their face and help them beat the blues!

Take that, writer’s block!

Van Morrison - Days Like This

I feel the west wind calling me

To the mountains of Colorado

And on to the blue Pacific

The west wind of bounty

The harvest and realization

Of our hopes

 

Two of Me, Two of You

A dear friend indirectly reminded me tonight about my blog from a few weeks ago that talked about the song Two of Me, Two of You (blog title Time After Time). In that song the theme of the space we need to adjust our expression of feelings, spirit, and emotions to accommodate another person’s, whether friends or friends maybe headed to something more intimate or lovers, for the relationship to be healthy and grow.  Timing and alignments.

My Mother used to remark in my younger days that I had two speeds: sleeping and full speed. 60 years later that still holds true though I have learned to downshift and roll off the throttle. I still tend to want to turn up the wick and shift through the gears in a hurry.

The fabric of a relationship in the early stages is so fragile; so delicate.  The Bull Moose in the china shop act usually produces a lot of hurt feelings and what we want most is in pieces on the floor.

Thankfully, through a mutual desire to communicate and a willingness to acknowledge our different places in time and alignment and the differences in how we handle situations, I got Bullwinkle under control and things worked out.  Whew!!!

The echo I hear down the road is the temptation or tendency to repeat old patterns even when I know they aren’t helpful or will place barriers between where I am and where I want to be. 

My mind is turning more and more to the road and the desire to be out there; in the wind.  Winter still has such a grip on areas north of Florida where my kickstand currently touches the ground.  The south part of Florida is an area I have yet to explore.  I did a car trip to Flamingo once but never to the Keys. 

With a new ride, my recently acquired 2011 Harley Ultra Road Glide, just starting to get broken in, a good Interstate cruise then some poking about the different corners of the Keys sounds like something that would create space and it just might help break through a bad case of writer’s block that has plagued the last few days.  I would love to hear the echo of those True Dual Rineharts going over the bridges out to Key West.

I will take the Mac Book Pro with me of course so I can up load the pictures from along the road.

At the risk of being accused of being redundant here is the link to Two of Me, Two of You.

Two of Me; Two of You

Listening to the sound of the pipes

Echoing across the open road

To the ocean beyond

I feel the pavement rumble

Under the wheels

As the miles melt away
To my destination

KPW and his new 2011 Harley Davidson Ultra Road Glide

Anticipation keeps us moving

Two poems tonight.  Not settled enough to write one of those long windy blogs so instead a couple of bon bons

Anticipation

It fills the air about me electric

I look to the north to skies clear blue

My boot tracks clear in the trail

The steps of my journey made with purpose

How quickly I have come to this point

But my steps have been sure and unwavering

Anticipation

Not ominous but with a sense of leaving

I look to the east and the fading late sky

Perhaps salted with the tang of regret

For loves lost and memories of old lives

Memories to be treasured and stored lovingly

Lesson learned about life’s uncertainties

Anticipation

It is orange and yellow dramatic light

I look to the west sun setting intensely

Bright with promise of the future

Of life to be lived and lessons to be learned

Of future joys unknown and momentary treasures

Of great joy to greet meat journey’s end

Anticipation

Hot wind of a dog’s breath on my arm

I look to the south warmly beckoning

My trail continues this way

Leading me to my destiny my dreams

Where I will find shelter from the storms

Where I will find great purpose and peace

Anticipation

On the road there are peaks and valleys; great joy, great sorrow, and sometime loneliness.  My journey has included all.

 

In the empty spaces of this room

The clock ticks

The sound resonates through the silence

The mirror by the door

Reflects an image of an endless time

Of longing

For the silence to be filled

With your voice

A Gibbous Moon

A gibbous moon

Sits in the cat’s cradle of branches

Wind softly plays a blues

Through the palms and across the seashore

The quiet of night

Broken only by my thoughts

Wondering what brought me to this place

Where the darkness closes in

And the last birdcall of night

Fades to black

These Vagabond Wheels

I started from the banks of old Niagara

Crossed the highways of Ontario

Went over the blue waters

Of the St. Clair River

Entered the US of A

Took Interstate 69

To Interstate 80 on my way to Joliet

Broke down in Munster Indiana

Laid my head to rest in a Holiday Inn

These vagabond wheels they take me places

That my heart has always wanted to be

These vagabond wheels they take me to places

That are always so new to me

From Joliet skirting south of Chicago

Headed west to Des Moines

I entered the flat lands

Of old Nebraska

Interstate 80 unwinds

To Omaha and Lincoln

I’m bound for the town of Cheyenne

Rode through smoke of grass fires

And a heavy wind going west into the night

These vagabond wheels they take me places

That my heart has always wanted to be

These vagabond wheels they take me to places

That are always so new to me

In crisp clear dawn I go up Highway 25

Through Casper to Shoshoni

The foothills keep climbing

To the distant Grand Tetons

The road is a mess

All down for construction

From Dubois right through

The pass that runs clear to Moran

Through mountains hangin’ high to the sky

These vagabond wheels they take me places

That my heart has always wanted to be

These vagabond wheels they take me to places

That are always so new to me

There’s gravel and sand and a follow-me truck

Leads us past logs and debris

This heavy old Harley keeps movin’

Through the rocks and the boulders

Down state route 89

Soon pavement beneath us

The engine starts hauling

Rolling south to Jackson's Hole

Past buffalo ‘n elk grazin’ by the road

These vagabond wheels they take me places

That my heart has always wanted to be

These vagabond wheels they take me to places

That are always so new to me

These vagabond wheels they take me places

That my heart has always wanted to be

These vagabond wheels they take me to places

My heart feels like it finally is home

Midnight

The darkness of midnight is wrapped about me

Wind rustling through the palms and palmettos

Distantly beyond the late traffic

Waves wash the near shore

Pushed by the onshore breeze

A pale half moon falls gently to earth

Below the horizon

I can feel your presence with me

Listening

Our hands entwined

In the quiet resolution to another day

As we enter the tender embrace of sleep

Crazy Monet

Some crazy Monet

Painted the sky in pastel

Tonight

Darkness falling fast

A swirling brush in hand

Stroking

Pinks and yellows and blues

Turning my sky into an impressionistic

Delight

As night falls

Over Highway One 

I’m Talkin’ Relationship Rubik’s Cube

I never was any good at Rubik’s Cube.  It was always a case of no patience for fiddling around with the thing and no point in the outcome except every side had a uniform colour as the outcome; no genie arising from the core to whisk me off to Tahiti; no instant solution to the more vexing problems of life.  When I figured the dang thing out, all I had was a hunk of plastic with uniformly coloured sides.

I wrote on my blog a while ago, December 23^rd, titled “Time After Time”. I quoted Jackson Browne’s lyrics from his “Two of Me, Two of You” about the challenges of our mental attachments to what we want to be/to happen and the reality of relationship integration between two people and the world around them.  The relationship challenge is really as multi-dimensional as the Rubik’s cube. And, there’s no genie in the middle waiting to pop out and make the pieces fall into place and whisk us off to blissful relationship Nirvana.

In my journeys as a modern day Dharma Bum on two wheels, I have met a lot of people in person and virtually through BON and FaceBook.  We get talking, get acquainted, and the relationships begin to form and move around like the Universe is playing the cube game.  I have a friend who is going through a break up of a long time relationship and is seeing those close by discovering new relationships where the pieces seem to fall together.  She desires the same for herself and wants that connection of emotional, spiritual, and mental chemistry for herself but the cube is playing games and just won’t line up.  I have the same issues with a friendship that regardless how I twist and turn those pieces of the cube it won’t line up the way I want so I get what I want; right here and right now!!

What I have are attachments to what I want to be rather than enjoying what is and going for the ride.  It is hard to find the patience to wait until the timing and alignments are right for what I want to become a reality in my life.  Instead, the relationship cube game leaves me with a case of the blues and a sense of longing instead of satisfaction and enjoyment of what is.  Time for the genie to emerge and plant a six-inch stiletto heel up my kazoo!

So my mission today and this week is to accept the state of my relationship Rubik’s cube for how it is; not the time and not the right alignments what I want but there is a lot I have to be thankful for:  Good health, a new Harley to ride the next stage of the journey, new friends who are quite dear to me, a special friendship that could be more if I have the patience to work out the cube.

“I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.”

Love comes to us in many ways and we need to remember the patience needed to solve the relationship cube and in the process, enjoy the love that comes to us in the way that fits the moment, the alignments, and the timing and forget those dang attachments to how we wish things were.

Wonderful World from Live at Blues Alley - Eva Cassidy

I sat looking out at the dark gathering

Before the window

While the clock ticked the hours of

Our separation

My thoughts are a dark as the dusk

Beneath the trees

Then I felt your hand on my shoulder

And my heart

Grew light as the new day dawning

But hours away 

Writings from the Hotel California Sebastian Fl.

Not into doing a blog tonight.  So instead some poetry from the new book.  Thinking of a lot of things and writing.

Last night’s quiet waning moon

Sets softly into the boughs of the tree

Outside my door

Venus nestled brightly to her right side

The beauty of the sea wind

Touches the leaves tenderly

And the night sounds about me

Speak of peace, harmony, and tranquility

In the dying moments of this day

And ,,,,,,

 a love poem in the style of Pablo Neruda 

The day was a thin red line

A hint of fire

Where the sea meets the black of night

Standing in the silence

Listening to the beating of my heart

Watching the world in its daily rebirth

My thoughts are of you

And the beginnings of love

That stir in my heart

My thoughts are of your tender touch

Of your voice that I yearn to hear

Of your soul that speaks softly to me

I pause to wonder and to wish

And I look into my heart in the gathering light

Hoping that these feelings

Will never end

Keep A Fire Burning In Your Eye

It has been a few days since I last blogged or wrote anything.  Sometimes I think I am heading out for a walk in the park but end up on the big emotional roller coaster of life!  The past few days have been one of those occasions.

When you ride, the ride is what counts and everything else needs to be boxed away until the ride is over so the focus is on the ride and safely getting to your destination.  Sometimes I need to apply that same rule to my life’s journey to keep the big picture in mind amid the details of the moment.

I haven’t been racking up the miles like I have been for several weeks and a lot has been going on in my personal life as I transition into my journey on the highways of North America and my new life as a writer, photographer, and distance biker.  I made some dumb riding errors lately and that was a wakeup call to get focused on the ride and to get into the mindset that let me ride 27,000 miles this year without incident.  So, today I rode and focused on what I was doing and what bad habits I had developed while lazing in Florida then set about making a mental note of what needed to change.

In parallel, my life journey has gotten a little muddled.  Time to take stock and see if there are corrections I need to make to stay with the notion that my life should be fun and fulfilling. And, that I live in a manner that is authentic and represents who I am and who I want to be.  Am I on course and am I having fun with the journey?

As I write I have my favourite singer/songwriter on the Bose Wave.  Jackson Browne’s For A Dancer:

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down

I don't remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must've always thought you'd be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you're nowhere to be found

I have always lived life with huge intensity: sometimes destructively; sometimes constructively with great creativity and purpose.  I have always had a fire in my eye.  Sometimes I forget to pay attention to the open sky to know what is coming down.

Sometimes in the intensity and emotion of the moment, I lose track of the Dancer.  The notion of what really fulfills me and makes me happy, sometimes dances in and out of my view.  I take for granted some things will take care of themselves without the nurturing and attention required for growth and full realization.  In the meantime I flit and fart around (playing the clown) then realize the opportunity has passed or I have missed out on something wonderful by not paying attention to the open sky.

So I come into a new week after several days of not writing and not working on the book of verse I have in progress.  I need to write like I need to breathe.  It quiets the inner voices and anxieties.  That means putting aside time to make sure it happens or it will dance out of view.  I need to ride and document the journey through photographs and my blogs.  I need to be patient and nurture a special relationship I have so that Dancer doesn’t dance out of view.  And, I need to keep my faith with myself; to be authentic in all that I do.

So this week I will keep the fire in my eye as I pay attention to the open sky.

Listen to For A Dancer Jackson Browne

A parting thought from the new book of verse

Love is like a flower bud touched by the sun and rain

Warmed by the rays

Caressed and nourished by the gentle shower

The flower opens and takes more of both

The sun and the rain

And gives back its fragrance and colorful beauty

Love is the life force implied in these three

Infused with the act

Growing though the continuous interaction

And when one of the elements the flower

The sun or the rain

Is missing or lags they all suffer and fade

The flower fades and wilts while the sun

Grows pale and the rain

Falls to no purpose

And the world is less blessed

By this loss

A Visit to Sebastian State Prk

I am too wrung out from the last 3 days of blogs to tackle a new one today.  Instead just some poetry from my current book of verse in progress:

Water flowing fast as the tide

Draws back to the rising sun

Eddies and swirls beneath arching span

Sebastian Inlet bridge

Pelicans huddled in shadows

Osprey on lamppost

Sun-baked fishermen on piers

The rumble of my exhausts

The bridge passing over

Taking the Risk for Happiness, Hope, and Love

My blog posting yesterday was about “the grand essentials to happiness”.  It was painful writing at times because I chose to speak in the first person about myself and to measure myself against the essentials of happiness as defined by Joseph Addison in the quote I received from a BON friend.

I finished the posting with a poem I had written that morning.

From the bottom of the pond

The lotus flower rises

A red flower in the shape of a heart

Clenched to its centre

In still waters seeking the sun

It feels the fullness of the day

And opens

Revealing me

Well, I received a comment from another BON friend in the form of another quote from the 20^th century French essayist and writer of female erotica, Anais Nin.

And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom! - - Anais Nin

Life, the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of love, and the journey to the sweet tasting good times is all about risk and overcoming fear.  Fear is what pulls our psyches into an emotional/spiritual fetal position.  When we get hurt in a relationship, our natural response is to behave defensively.  We curl inward and turn our back to those things that are “the grand essentials to happiness”. 

What we tend to do when we are hurt or scared (at least I do from experience), is we throw the three legs of the Grand Essentials of Happiness out of balance.  We find all kinds of busy stuff that we place at the top of our priority lists so there is no time for love of anything except being busy and the thought of hope for anything specific is a distant mirage.

Fear also is the river we have to cross in our journey to the sweet tasting good times; breaking free from attachments that hold us back, shifting from a negative to positive intentions, going up against what we fear most be that loneliness, fear of emotional hurt, financial fears, or simply fear of the unknown.  We are safe by living in our minds rather than our hearts because the mind filters and keeps us safe from the risks of an open heart.

I wrote the following in 2000 during a time of great uncertainty, fear, and mistrust.  I did break free and did cross over and 2001 was a watershed year for me as a person and as an artist.  Hope came alive for me.  I am in a similar space now as I write this morning’s blog post from the Hotel California in Florida.

I walked beside the river flowing

The current sending streamers round

Half sunken logs

I saw the faces of those

Who crossed over before me

And those living next to me

And I saw my own life reflected

In the shallows, me and those around me

I remarked on how swiftly the water flows

And I wondered whether those before

Had lived and shared and loved to the fullest

Did they fill each day and each moment?

Before entering the swift water

To cross over

I looked at my own reflection

Asking those same questions

Then I got to my feet

And went to find you

Breaking free of the fear and crossing the river are like the bud in the quote by Anais Nin.  The draw to be balanced between head and heart, the desire to have the three legs of the Grand Essentials of Happiness in balance is too strong; too compelling. 

And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom! - - Anais Nin

As we roll into 2011, I hope I continue to blossom now that I have broken free of the fears and I am leading with heart and with hope; and so may you all.

The Grand Essentials

The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for..........Joseph Addison

This quote appeared on my Facebook wall posted by one of my Biker friends from BON.  Addison was a 17^th century writer and politician in England so I am pretty sure he never listened to Way Over Yonder on his iPod but he sure has a grasp on the Essentials of making that journey.

I am sitting in Sebastian Florida today (Sunday Jan. 2 2011) and it is about 72 degrees and cloudy but beautiful.  I hear the Harley’s out on Highway 1 across the drive from me and my boots are half on as I write this.  Gotta go.  The siren call of good weather, a great bike, and a beautiful day are calling.

Okay, back from a short ride to get gas and clean off the bugs.

When I read this quote, it caused me to stop and think about my journey and this life I have chosen as a Distance Biker, Poet, and Photographer.  Do I really have the Grand Essentials incorporated into this lifestyle and personally into my life?

Something to do:            This one I have covered!   Every day I have is chuck full of “doing”.  From the moment I get up until I fall asleep usually in the wee hours of morning I am busy.  This type of busy includes writing, photographing, processing what I shoot, riding, chatting with friends or spending time with them, maintaining the Harley.  All of it feels good and productive.  I am in one of my highest energy creative peaks of my life and I love it.

Something to love:            This on gets a little tricky!  As just noted I love my new lifestyle and the huge creativity burst it has spawned.  I love my Harley Road Glide.  We are like man and dog.  I know every rattle, squeak, and rumble and I feel so bonded with the bike it is like we are one when I am riding.

If you change something to someone, as in Someone to Love, then there I have some sticky issues.  I now love me after years of being aware how badly I have acted in different situations and how unauthenticate  I was in living and expressing the “Me” in “I” and hating who “I” was.  I think I have that one at least on the way to being as it should be.  Getting to real biggie; Someone to love in that uniquely human way in which, two partners love, I have some work to do.  I think I have covered a lot of the bases in earlier blog postings. 

I have friends who I love deeply in that way we love friends so much.  We can be out of touch for 30 years and get back together with the feeling that our last contact was just yesterday.  I have had loves that have gone unrequited and relationships that have lasted years.  On this new road, I am leading with heart and have banged my shins a few times.  I have more work to do but that is a good thing because it helps fire the creative engine.

Something to hope for:            My life is currently full of hope for many different things and situations.  I hope for long life because I love this world and this new life of mine.  I hope for good health.  It is happening.  I seldom have need for asthma medications or any medications since I made my lifestyle change. I hope for the chance to love someone once more and to be loved affectionately, passionately and knowingly in return in a way that allows me to be authentic and whole.  I think I have something to hope for covered.

I got up this morning and in my morning writing session found this in the creative stream.

From the bottom of the pond

The lotus flower rises

A red flower in the shape of a heart

Clenched to its centre

In still waters seeking the sun

It feels the fullness of the day

And opens

Revealing me

Yes I have hope,,,,,,,

Hope to Love

The Road in 2011

Well as I drag my groggy body out of bed and into this New Year of 2011, I wonder what the year holds in store.  Yesterday’s blog was about reflection and intention and gratitude for the life on the road and the friends, lovers we have met along the way.

Today I think I will look down the road and keep my eyes off the rear view mirrors and the tendency to look back and become consumed with what might have been.

Music has always been a big part of my life.  The stuff I listen to; like the Brahms 2^nd piano Concerto now playing suit my mood on quiet mornings when I am easing into the day after a sleepless night.  The party next door went on to sunrise when the lexicon of cuss words ran out and the frying pan was too dented to do more damage.

As I sit here to write I am hearing in my mental jukebox Bruce Springsteen and one of my favourite “setting out on the road” tunes, Thunder Road.  The lyrics resonate with me today, as I look forward to 2011.  Especially the second verse:

You can hide `neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I’m no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow
Back your hair
Well the nights busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heavens waiting on down the tracks
Oh-oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh thunder road, oh thunder road oh thunder road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh thunder road, sit tight take hold
Thunder road

Bruce knows that place Way Over Yonder.   The lyrics lend themselves to many metaphors.  For me I have some specific hopes, intentions and desires for the coming months that I see in this song.  Today I will keep these thoughts to myself.  Just read the lyrics or put the tune on the car stereo, IPod, your HOG tunes, or in your mental juke box and go for that ride and make it real in 2011.

Listen to Bruce and the E Street band from Back in the Day