The Gift and on Giving

When I was in my late teens, I was given a book written by the Lebanese born, American writer and artist Kahlil Gibran.  It was a must-have book for any hippie wanna-be along with some crystals and a couple of strings of love beads to go with the patchouli incense.

I still remember many of the excellent writings from that book on the human condition.  I recently re-read some of these on line while struggling with my own relationships and the balance between giving of myself into the relationships and taking care of my own emotional needs.

These lines caught my eye:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

Okay!  That part I get, especially in that unique human stew of our relationships with each other as friends or romantically.  Giving to another whether financially or in materials things is the easy out.  It is when we invest our emotions and spirit that we truly give.  That gift of our emotions, spirit and our energy is a unique gift that cannot be measured on a scale or a cash counter.

Then as I read on, it gets a little trickier:

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breaths its fragrance into space.

It is an innate part of my character to give of myself emotionally and spiritually where I perceive a need or I am motivated by my own desire for companionship, friendship, or romance.  Sometimes when I give, there is emotional pain.  What is this about?  I am seeking some return joy in the act of that giving!  Instead I feel the pain.  The myrtle giving its fragrance is a truly natural giving natural to the plant.  To give freely of ourselves without hoping for some payoff is where many of us including myself fall off the rails of truly benevolent giving.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving

And is there aught you would withhold?

Now I am starting to get it!  Understanding the needs of others whether friend or romantic interest, and to perceive the giving needed in the specific circumstance.  And, to give freely, with joy in the giving, and without expecting an emotional or spiritual payout is the way not to feel the heat of the karmic butane lighter to the butt or heart as the case may be.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life - while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be over mindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity

It is life that gives unto life.  Hmmmmm. Yes it is innate in all of us to give whether of ourselves or financially or in material goods.  Life gives unto life and we are but witnesses. Along for the ride,,,  Why? Because it is part of the human condition to give and to feel the joy in that giving when we can strip away the patina of desires or expectations from that act of giving.

And what about receiving? All of us receive at some point whether as children from our parents, or from our friends and our lovers.  Gratitude.  That is the soul mirror that gets between us as receivers, and the benevolent giver who freely gives.  Looking too deep in that mirror reminds us of the imbalance in the immediate act of giving and we seek motives.  Why is this person giving me 20 bucks or giving me their time or giving me their emotional and spiritual self? To ask this questions the motive behind the act of giving and, there may not be a motive!!!

In the free act of giving and receiving without expectations of some kind of payoff is when we do soar as humans on the wings of joy.

The bird

Was a surprise

Visitor

Taking stork steps

Across

The parched brown lawn

Striding

Long black legs

Contrast

His pure white body

Calling

At the back door

Looking

For the woman and

The Gift

Of an offered sardine

Tasting of the sea and garlic

Silently

There they stand in communion

Honouring

The value of each other’s presence