"Now I been out in the desert, just doin' my time
Searchin' through the dust, lookin' for a sign
If there's a light up ahead well brother I don't know
But I got this fever burnin' in my soul
So let's take the good times as they go
And I'll meet you further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
One sunny mornin' we'll rise I know
And I'll meet you further on up the road
One sunny mornin' we'll rise I know
And I'll meet you further on up the road. "
There are obvious Christian references and metaphors in the lyrics I quoted but I also see and relate the lyrics to my life's journey (it is the only one I can really know or truly understand). I think back to reading the Hobbit and and the Lord of the Rings as a teen and the walking song called The Road Goes Ever On. And I think of these lyrics
"Now I been out in the desert, just doin' my time
Searchin' through the dust, lookin' for a sign
If there's a light up ahead well brother I don't know
But I got this fever burnin' in my soul"
How well this describes my working career and the sterility of the life and the lack of real friendships and the necessity to refrain from being authentic to you true self if it did not fit the corporate mold. I was doin' my time for all the right reasons; family, retirement funding, contributing to community, earning a living. But I was always looking for a sign. It took a year after retirement, a horrible business experience with my partner, and a realization that I had moved from one sterile environment to another.
The sign I was lookin' for was a Harley ad in Kijiji for an XL883 that looked very cool. That precipitated a series of memories of the joy I found in riding as a young man, memories of the brief running series starring Michael Parks in the late 60's called The Along Came Bronson. We discussed getting the Harley and I did. I was also going through a lot of mental issues and anguish about sense of self typical for men in post retirement. Some good therapy helped that issue as well as abstinence from old John Barleycorn. There was "light up ahead". We moved to Niagara Region and I met a great bunch of bikers and in no time I had a new ride. A big touring Road Glide with a hot power plant.
The fever burning in my soul was to ride , photograph the journey, meet people and make real friends, to be authenticate and lead with my heart regardless the cost, and to write about the journey through poetry and now this blog.
A new phase in that journey is starting further on up the road where I am enjoying the good times (not without significant costs to me and family). And I know further on up the road will be new relationships, new loves, new adventures and I will meet it all Further On Up the Road.
"How well this describes my working career and the sterility of the life and the lack of real friendships and the necessity to refrain from being authentic to you true self if it did not fit the corporate mold."
ReplyDeleteAmen (said in a secular way). It's interesting that we came from the same corporate place. I'm strangely grateful for that crucible -- perhaps if it hadn't been so dysfunctional, so toxic, we would not have been spurred to the kind of spiritual awakening we both seem to have had? (and yes, it's a spiritual awakening) It took me a long time, and it took a lot of my mental and physical health, but it also gave me incredible experiences and friendships that have transcended that narrow, sterile world.
Ride on, Kim. I'm glad to have met you, and now get to know you as a true and authentic human being.
cheers,
Jen