I am sitting in my friend’s carport with my trusty MACbook in my lap and a cold beer beside me. It is 98 in the shade and the wind moves through the palms with a sound like ocean surf. It is the third day since I discovered that my quest was done. I feel this great sense of peace and contentment yet my heart is alive with tumultuous feelings for my new love. They are good feelings and I am alight with joy. That is as it should be.
I look at my cell phone and I have 18 messages today from her. I count them like pearls on a string. Each with their own story and the feelings we share; lustrous and multi-hued and full of the mysteries of love.
I have some quiet time now. My friend worked on his truck today and is having siesta time out of the heat. This is perfect! I need to time and space to put into words the last few days of this new life that is starting. I am listening to Jackson Browne’s Looking East record that he wrote after his break from Darryl Hannah and his re-emergence into a new life with refreshed creative energy and insights.
“Alive in the World” is one of his overlooked songs but the message within the words is so fitting to this time for me.
I want to live in the world, not inside my head
I want to live in the world, I want to stand and be counted
With the hopeful and the willing
With the open and the strong
With the voices in the darkness
Fashioning daylight out of song
And the millions of lovers
Alive in the world
I want to live in the world, not behind some wall
I want to live in the world, where I will hear if another voice should call
To the prisoner inside me
To the captive of my doubt
Who among his fantasies harbors the dream of breaking out
And taking his chances
Alive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
With its beauty and its cruelty
With its heartbreak and its joy
With it constantly giving birth to life and to forces that destroy
And the infinite power of change
Alive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
The third verse in particular takes me from where I was a year ago and to the realization of where I am; “Alive in the World”.
I want to live in the world, not behind some wall
I want to live in the world, where I will hear if another voice should call
To the prisoner inside me
To the captive of my doubt
Who among his fantasies harbors the dream of breaking out
And taking his chances
Alive in the world
What a journey it has been from low self-esteem and doubt to a place of joy and spiritual completion after finding my way back to God and His Love and after finding a woman who accepts me as I am warts and all and who has opened her own heart (long a captive of caution) to me. It was all about taking chances and having faith in myself that I could ride the road and find the answers from the lessons along the way. Freed from the prison of my own doubts and fears, I found the heart spirit connection that allowed me to live from the heart and be open to the call. And, that call did come and I answered ready and willing to face what the future will bring.
All my roads have led me here to this place. It is a good place and is rich and bountiful with the Blessings of friends, family, the beauty of this world, and the richness of love. I think the song All My Roads by Collin Raye is a good one to cue up now; such a beautiful heartfelt song.
Looking back from where I stand tonight
I wouldn't change a thing about my life
Wrong turns I had to take back in those crazy years
Could not have been mistakes if they brought me here
'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you
I don't regret a single broken heart
That taught me what love is and what it's not
Someone must have planned our two paths would cross
I couldn't see it then but I was never lost
'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you
Detours, dead ends, endless explorations
You were my only destination
'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you
So now, a new journey begins, but no longer solo on my Harley but together. We are not together at this time because that is how it must be but we know our path and time will soon pass before we can be in a state of grace and love. In the meantime, life is good. God is good. And, love is wonderful!
From my book from 2000 Songs of Love and Other Improvisations
There can be no talk of yesterday
When our future is spread before us
No looking backward
No questioning of what might have been
No autopsies of the spirit
From the new untitled book
The gift of my love
Is the first good soak of spring
That brings green to the fields
And colour to your garden
The gift of my love
Is the great red tailed hawk
Always there on the edges
Of your perception soaring
The gift of my love
Is the aroma of the forest
Tangy with moulds and earth
Redolent with the scent of pine
The gift of my love
Is a sharp edged knife
That cuts your bonds of strife
Setting you free to soar
The gift of my love
Is a soft moment a caress
To say you are not alone
The light on the path before you
Great verses! I like it! Great blog!...Daniel
ReplyDeleteThanks you very much Daniel
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