Who Fills the Givers Well?

I am sitting in my friend’s house in San Benito, Tx staying out of the mid-day heat and nursing a back that is telling me I need a long rest from distance riding and is telling me it is time to care for me.  The break is good in many ways and being relatively inactive (a form of torture for me) gives time for thought and reflection.

I have written my last few blogs on the theme of Love because it has come into my life and it was important and felt right to celebrate the joy of its light.  My thoughts turned to matters of character and spirit.  I guess some of this contemplation comes as a by-product of wondering as we all do in our human way, about where the future will take us as we begin and new road in life as I have at this time.

I have been blessed for much of my life to be surrounded by givers.  Givers come from the heart with their generosity the same way we all breathe.  It is a natural part of the essential being. .  My friend Ed is a giver.  He has opened his home to someone he did not know three weeks ago because that is his way.  I chuckle about an incident in the grocery store the other day.  We picked up some steaks to cook on the grill for dinner.  At the cashier, I said, “let me pay for these”.  He said, “No man, you’re my guest” to which, I responded, “Yes but I am living in your home and benefiting in many ways from you’re generosity and I amt to do this as a gift to you”.  He looked and me then smiled (he sees the humor in life all of the time) and said, “I need to learn to accept a Blessing when it comes my way”.

I am a giver too, so I knew what he was talking about!  Many givers find it hard to accept benevolence, praise, and blessings when they come their way.  It raises the question though, if the giver gives from the well of their benevolence, how does their well get replenished?  Who fills the givers well?

We feel good when we give freely and without expectations of what we will get back.  In the normal course of our interactions in life, we get back.  Not just the good feeling that comes with the act of giving but also, the givers among us, once we get past the awkward moment of getting something in return, are replenished by the thanks of gratitude or some small gift.  You provide the sanctuary and I will buy the steaks.

Givers by their nature can also end up in the chains of captivity through their own sweet, generous spirits.  There are people who are wired to receive and to take.  They are missing the DNA code that triggers an authentic gratitude response to the kindness they receive.  They are like the gas thief with a siphon in a gas tank.  The flow and energy is in one direction; out.

Giving takes a lot of forms.  We can give a friend or a complete stranger some cash or a warm coat.  We may give of our time to help the neighbor build the new deck.   We can give of our compassion and emotions listening someone’s issues or serving on a humanitarian mission.  Of all the means of giving, when we give of our soul, our love, our innermost energies, it is the hardest to replenish and the most vital to our wellbeing.

Every giver I have talked to in my travels has experienced a giving relationship that is one way emotionally and spiritually.  My own experience is with negative thinkers and with needy folks who have no spiritual grounding and seek externally to fill the hole in their souls.  We all know them.  Our energy flows out to fulfill our innate desire as givers to help but there is no progress because the lack of self-awareness and spiritual ground in the receiver prohibits effective use of our help.  I know from experience that the red flags go up when the flow is out, out, out and there is no energy coming the other way.  In a normal, balanced give and receive situation, I as a giver get my spiritual well filled by seeing someone make steps to help themselves with my assistance and I take joy in their successes.  And, oftentimes, we are rewarded with their gratitude for our gift of ourselves.

I refer to those receivers who sap my energy and go nowhere with their gift from me, Spiritual Vampires.

As givers we need to ensure our well being by avoiding encounters with the Spiritual Vampires and focus on giving into relationships and friendships where the water in our wells is replenished.

To all the givers out there, you make the world a better place.  I know who has given of themselves to me and I remember and appreciate them all.

Just some thoughts on giving.  Music is always good when I write.  From today’s play list.

High Sierras - Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt

Take This Rain - Jackson Browne

I Forgot That Love Existed - Van Morrison

From Songs of Love and Other Improvisations (1999):

I look to the morning

And the promises of the day

Hidden behind the streaks

Of an orange and blue dawn

My captive heart breaks free

Of the chains that time and neglect

Have skillfully bound

Holding me to the barren plain

The ingenious padlock

Of my actions past and thought

Springs open with your touch

My spirit soars to meet the dawn

From the untitled book:

The sun burns yellow

Circles in my mirror

Reflections of the fires

In my soul

I feel the warmth

On my back

As I turn south

Down the uncertain road