Sitting here in my favorite chair outside my cabin, I can see the storms clouds rolling along painted in shades of gray with soft white brush strokes. The wind is cool and moisture laden coming in beneath the clouds blowing from the northwest. I hope the rain to the north knocks down the brushfires near Titusville.
Life is reverting to my “normal” mode. My visitors have left and are back in the snow and cold. Friends in the BON world have found jobs and are getting into the rhythm of work and gratefully, the bounty of an income again. My FaceBook friends are looking forward to spring and the promise of another wonderful riding season. I am working through the Gordian knot of cross border travel with a Harley registered in Florida.
The end result is I have to register the new Harley in Canada to ride it there and cough up a significant amount of cash to the government of Canada that is totally a windfall for them (so much for open borders and free trade) and a significant windfall for the Canadian Harley distributor. So, I will leave the new Road Glide in the USA. No free rides for either. My ’06 has lots of miles left in it so I will gladly enjoy riding it in my Canadian travels.
Bike Week in Daytona is fast approaching. I am of mixed feelings about the event. I know I will meet old friends and make some new ones but I am no good in a crowd. I’m one of those folks who tends to hang back from the frenetic activity to people watch and to absorb the experience. I get asked daily when I meet people on my rides “Are you going to Bike Week”? My feelings of ambivalence probably stems from 40 years ago when the recurring theme was “boogie till you puke”!! I think those days are passed for me.
I have a couple of invites for places to stay during the event so, I think my curiosity will draw me north for at least a day or two and the thought of connecting with people I enjoy will help overcome my shyness and fear of the large crowds.
It brought to mind the lyrics of an old R&B classic I first heard my Little Anthony and the Imperials and currently covered my Jordan Pruitt and Amy Winehouse “On the Outside Looking In”.
You don't know my name
You don't know anything about me
I try to play nice
I want to be in your game
The things that you say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels fast
I'm telling you to your face
I'm standing here behind your back
[Chorus:]
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
If you could read my mind
You might see more of me than meets the eye
And you've been all wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance
[Chorus:]
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
Well, I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and all alone
I'm sick of wasting all my time
[Chorus (x2):]
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
In my case, being on the outside is not the result of being talked about, jilted or excluded but rather, a lifelong shyness that verges on being painful. I did okay in my business life because I treated that like a performance and I would get myself “up” for the performance everyday and paid the toll with a constant high stress level. In retirement and living as authentically “me” as I can, my shyness I am sure, has caused me to miss opportunities to meet some wonderful people and conversely for them to meet me and perhaps find friendship in the meeting.
So yes, I will visit Bike Week with the intention to get out there a little and perhaps meet a kindred soul. Who knows what turns the road will take and the time spent mixing and observing; who know where that time goes?
Lyrics by Sandy Denny
Across the evening sky, all the birds are leaving
But how can they know it's time for them to go?
Before the winter fire, I will still be dreaming
I have no thought of time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
Sad, deserted shore, your fickle friends are leaving
Ah, but then you know it's time for them to go
But I will still be here, I have no thought of leaving
I do not count the time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
And I am not alone while my love is near me
I know it will be so until it's time to go
So come the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again
I have no fear of time
For who knows how my love grows?
And who knows where the time goes?
A gentle rain has started to fall so I am inside now and kicked back after a light lunch and ready for some music.
From the untitled book
And in the whispering silence of the rain
I heard soft chords and scattered notes
Diana Krall passages
Written in soft fonts
Into the fabric of my day
A feeling of red velvet
Softly
Touching
And a final chord echoes against wet glass
And another
There was a hint of rain
And hesitant summer
Breaking into evening
Brash Queen Street
Trolley sounds and scat voices
Your sidelong glances
Tickled my consciousness
Smouldering
Anticipation
A hint of another storm
Rainless but full of promise
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